kyoto without the crowd: a digital nomad’s messy monday in 1863945
woke up to the sound of a toaster hissing in the next apartment and immediately realized this wasn’t the quiet retreat i’d signed up for. the temp was 9.41c which is…there right now, hope you like that kind of thing. like actual literal ice in your latte. not a metaphor. my laptop fan was louder than the neighborhood cats fighting over a bag of chips on the sidewalk. neighbors say tophrase, ‘if you get bored, tokyo is just a short drive away’ but i’m not sure if they meant a fun cultural experience or a 4-hour mental collapse. anyway, i grabbed my laptop and a second espresso from that crappy spot on mainichi road everyone keeps whispering about.
last night i heard some drunk guy at a izakaya say, ‘this place is cursed because the owner’s ex died here’ and now every time i walk past it i feel like the walls are judging me. probably not true. probably. some local told me toavoid the karaoke bar near the temple because ‘it’s a trap for lost souls’ but i went anyway and found a guy singing natto soup lyrics. it was wild.
i checked yelp and everyone hates the same spot for sushi. reader, if you’re Googling ‘best sushi kyoto’ and see what i saw-like…sushi that looks like it was assembled by a blindfolded toddler-maybe don’t eat there. but here’s the thing: the temp was 9.41c and i’m writing this with frost on my fingers while typing on a keyboard that smells like last week’s ramen. cozy? maybe. functional? debatable.
the map below is a lie. this place is a maze of alleys that only make sense if you’ve lived here for 10+ years. i got lost trying to find the convenience store near the temple and ended up at a vending machine that only sold soy milk. take my word for it, bring a refillable bottle.
photos from unsplash: a red star on a wooden surface? that’s the nearest convenience store logo. a building with trees around it? probably the temple i keep getting lost in. a person in a garment? me, in a coat three sizes too big because the weather was, i don’t know, sinister?
i also overheard at the market that some guy sells ‘authentic’ matcha but it’s just powdered dirt. don’t buy it. went to a café recommended by a drunk on a bullet train and it was great. their drip coffee was…okay. better than nothing. someone else told me to try the bookstore cafe because ‘it’s like being in a real novel’ but the book was missing pages. первой планкой it was.
pro-tip: if you’re a digital nomad here, don’t mention you work remotely. people will assume you’re a tourist and overcharge you for wifi. i learned this the hard way at a place called ‘nomad café’ which is ironic. anyway, the weather was 9.41c and i’m writing this with a cold malty aftertaste because i tried to order a latte with almond milk and they only had oat. sync up with the universe, i guess.
p.s. if you’re into low-key chaos, check out this local board game spot on tripadvisor. it’s called ‘the lost roll’ and it’s basically a scam but i played it anyway. 3am, 100 yen a minute. worth it? maybe.
link: tripadvisor || yelp || local boardgame spot || unsplash photos
p.p.s. the temp is still 9.41c right now. i’m not sure if that’s normal or if the thermometer is lying. if it’s lying, i’m considering a career in espionage.
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