i wandered through kochi and here’s what i learned (don’t ask about the sun)

i woke up to the sound of my alarm clock malfunctioning like it was in on some kind of midnight dance with the sun. beacon hill coffee shop down the street was open at 8 a.m. because apparently humans are just extra today. i just checked and it’s 33.81 right now which is basically a sauna пять/share and i’m like why did i think taking a road trip in july was a good idea.

this place operates on that chaotic 13% humidity. i spilled mango lassi on my bike bag and now it’s drying out in my backpack like a sad주가. someone told me that the pizza place here owes taxes and that might explain why the slices taste like recyclable cardboard. i rolled dice to decide if i should trust that hotdog vendor near the harbor wall. they won. i won’t talk about what happened next.

if you get bored, the backwaters are just a 20-minute drive where you can watch dolphins do yoga or whatever. i stuck a reusable straw in my water bottle and it snapped like it was stage four plastic never gonna be. the locals swear by this street food spot called karukara but i heard from three different drunk folks that the mutton curry might’ve caused a food fight last eid al fitr. who knew religion and throat chunks were bedfellows?

i plugged into a wifi point near the old town and immediately got data roaming charges from a cell provider that sounds like it’s run by a drama teacher. one friend said he stayed here because the hostel’s ac unit hisses like a vengeful spirit. another said the ghosts here are actually just people stuck in taxidermy collections. i didn’t sleep. i slept in my backpack next to a palmyra fig tree that kept trying to hand me ripe fruit through my sleeping bag.

tripsadvisor.com/koftikot (maybe?) tripcounsel.com/cochineaze (definitely not) yelp.co.in/local-tips (read-the-comments) there’s a link to a krave map site where they swear the nearestbbq joint changes owners every week. take that with a saltpacket.

here’s some chaos in photos:

the map showed me to this spot that’s basically a hole in the ground with fairy lights. i followed the wifi signal like a puppy until i found it.i’m not sure if that’s a temple or a disco. locals said it’s both. depends on your vibe. see you next time you’re here and don’t forget to pack a hat. or a fan. or existential dread.

tags: travel kochi human vibe messy

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