why splendorport is the place where time forgets itself

i woke up to a sky that looked like it was melting. not metaphorically, i mean literally. it was that kind of day. the temp was 10.31, which is just a fancy way of saying it was cold enough to make my skin feel like it was wearing a sweater made of regret. i checked the weather a bunch of times, and yeah, it’s 10 degrees. there right now. hope you like that kind of thing.

the locals here are either really into their coffee or really into their secrets. i heard that from a guy at the bus stop who was yelling about the weather. he said, ‘if you don’t like it, go to that other place with the fake beaches.’ i don’t know which place he meant, but i got a vibe. maybe it’s a myth. maybe it’s real. who cares, right?

i saw a photo on unsplash of a brown cave with a view of the city. it looked like someone had taken a photo of a monster. the concrete buildings here are white, which is weird. it makes them look like they’re screaming. i don’t know how to describe it. maybe it’s a protest against being boring.

the map shows me a tiny spot in the middle of nowhere. or maybe it’s not nowhere. the city is called splendorport, which is just a weird name. i don’t know why. maybe it’s a joke. maybe it’s a real place. i went to the yelp page for splendorport and it said the coffee is good. i also saw a tripadvisor review that said the street art is overpriced but amazing. i don’t trust yelp. i trust the guy at the bus stop more.

i tried to take a photo of the city at night. it didn’t work. the lights were too bright, or maybe it was my phone. i heard that from a drunk person at a bar. they said, ‘the city lights are like a party, but no one’s invited.’ i don’t know if that’s true. i didn’t go to the party. i went to the street artist. he was painting a wall with a picture of a person crying. i think it was a metaphor for something. or maybe it was just a sad person.

the neighbors here are… eccentric. i heard that from a neighbor who was trying to sell me a used umbrella. he said, ‘if you get bored, the nearby hills are just a short drive away.’ i didn’t ask where the hills were. i just nodded and bought the umbrella. it was for $5. it’s probably broken.

someone told me that the weather here is a joke. i don’t know if they meant the temperature or the attitude. either way, it’s accurate. the pressure is 1013, which is standard, but the humidity is 69. that’s a lot. i don’t know how to describe it. maybe it’s a test. maybe it’s a challenge. i’m not sure.

i checked the local board and saw a post about a bar that serves coffee so strong it could wake the dead. i didn’t go there. i went to a café that had a sign that said ‘no photography’ but i took a photo anyway. i got a fine. the owner was a yoga instructor. i think she was mad. or maybe she was just tired.

i’m not sure if splendorport is real or not. the numbers in the url were 3173721 and 1380622394. maybe they’re coordinates. maybe they’re a password. maybe they’re a memory. i don’t know. i just know that the temperature is 10.31, and that’s it.

check out the tripadvisor reviews here: https://tripadvisor.com/splendorport. or the yelp page: https://yelp.com/splendorport. or the local board: https://localboard.splendorport. they’re all probably fake. but who cares?

the images i took don’t matter. the ones on unsplash are better. the first one is a brown cave with an over-view of the city. the second is a white concrete building during daytime. the third is a photo of illuminated city. they look like they belong in a different reality. which, honestly, they might.

i didn’t plan any of this. it just happened. i woke up, went to splendorport, and now i’m writing this. the weather is 10 degrees. the neighbors are weird. the coffee is strong. it’s a mess. but that’s okay. that’s the point.

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