salt lake city: where the thermostat lies and the vibe is weirdly cozy

i just got here and the air feels like it’s holding its breath. 19.85 degrees isn’t bad but it’s also not great. you ever notice how weather reports say ‘perfect’ when it’s like… this? like someone’s trying to sell you a tamale in a snowstorm. i checked the app and it’s… there right now. hope you like that kind of thing. 45% humidity is a joke. it’s like the sky is crying but only 10% of the time.

neighbors here are the type who’ll honk at you for wearing socks with sandals but also leave out a bowl of cookies if you’re lost. i heard that once. two old ladies in a minivan drive-by. they didn’t say why. maybe they were haunted. or maybe they just thought i looked sad. either way, they left the cookies. smart move. if you get bored, oregon is just a short drive away. or maybe not. i mean, who knows. the road signs here are like a riddle wrapped in a tax code.

reviews? let’s call them ‘overheard rumors.’ someone told me that the lunch special at that taco place is actually a trick. you pay for a tiny taco and get a cup of condensation. another person said the bike rental place stole their credit card. i don’t know if that’s true. i did see a guy in a business suit arguing with a traffic cone last week. maybe he was a metaphor. or maybe he was just really passionate about public infrastructure. i heard that the local bakery has a secret menu. if you ask right, they’ll give you a croissant that’s 70% cinnamon. but don’t ask. they’ll probably charge you in glitter.

here’s the map. yeah, this is where i am. maybe. i’m not sure. sometimes the gps lies. it’s like a broken compass but with more ads.

i took a photo of a vintage jacket i found in a thrift store. it’s probably from the 90s. or maybe it’s alien. hard to tell.

another pic? yeah, why not. there’s this mountain view that looks like it’s trying to yawn.

i’m not sure if i’m gonna stay or just take a bus. the decision is harder than choosing a flavor of ice cream. but here’s a link to the town’s community board. maybe it’ll help. https://www.saltlakecity.gov/communityboard

also, if you’re into weird stuff, check out this vintage clothes spot. it’s called ‘retro relics’ and i heard they sell clothes that smell like regret. or maybe that’s just me. https://www.yelp.com/biz/retro-relics-salt-lake-city

i’m not a fan of the coffee here. it’s too strong. too much. like someone boiled it in a iron pot. but hey, if you’re a coffee snob, maybe you’ll appreciate it. or maybe you’ll hate it. i don’t know. either way, here’s a link to a local roastery. https://www.instagram.com/saltlakecoffeeco

this place is a mess. in the best way. like a toddler’s art project. you don’t need a plan. just show up. and maybe don’t trust the cookies. they’re probably watching you.

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