Puerto Vallarta: Sunburns, Street Tacos, and Seriously Sketchy Staircases
okay, so puerto vallarta. it wasn’t on the ‘plan’, you know? i was supposed to be in berlin, chasing down a vintage synth for a friend (long story involving a very insistent keyboardist and a questionable eBay seller). flights got cancelled, rebooked, cancelled again, and suddenly i had a ridiculously cheap ticket to mexico. honestly? no complaints.
i just checked and it’s…sticky out there right now, like walking through warm honey. the humidity is a whole mood. the weather app says twenty-point-nine degrees, but ‘feels like’ is a lie. it feels like thirty-five and a mild existential crisis. i’m pretty sure my hair has a mind of its own at this point.
i’m a freelance photographer, which basically means i wander around looking for interesting light and hoping i don’t get robbed. puerto vallarta delivers on both fronts. the *old town is a labyrinth of cobblestone streets, brightly colored buildings, and…stairs. so many stairs. seriously, if you’re not prepared to climb, just don’t bother. i spent a good hour yesterday trying to navigate a particularly treacherous set, convinced i was about to tumble into someone’s bougainvillea garden.
the food, though. the food. forget everything you think you know about tacos. these are next level. i found this tiny little place, tucked away on a side street, run by a woman named elena who clearly doesn’t suffer fools. she just hands you a taco, stares you down until you eat it, and then demands payment. no menu, no smiles, just pure, unadulterated taco perfection. i’ve been back three times. you can find some reviews on Yelp.
someone told me that the all-inclusive resorts are basically a trap for tourists who want to avoid actual mexico. apparently, you end up paying a fortune to eat mediocre food and hang out with people who are aggressively beige. i overheard that at a bar near the malecon.
i’ve been trying to get some decent shots of the church* (parroquia de nuestra señora de guadalupe), but it’s always swarming with people. it’s beautiful, don’t get me wrong, but getting a clean shot is proving…challenging. i’m thinking i might have to go back at sunrise, which means setting an alarm, and honestly, that feels like a betrayal of my entire life philosophy.
my neighbors are…loud. there’s a rooster who seems to have a personal vendetta against sleep, and a group of guys who are apparently practicing mariachi music at all hours. if you get bored, Guadalajara is just a short bus ride away, and i've heard it's worth the trip. i've been looking at some tours on TripAdvisor.
i also heard a drunk guy at the hostel warn me about the time-share people. apparently, they’re relentless. he said they’ll follow you down the street, offer you free breakfast, and then trap you in a three-hour presentation about the joys of owning a piece of a resort you’ll never use.
the pressure is one-oh-one-three, humidity is thirty-eight percent, and the ground level is eight-eight-one. i don’t know what any of that means, but it sounds important. i’m currently nursing a sunburn and a questionable decision to eat street corn at midnight. send help (and aloe vera). you can find more info about Puerto Vallarta on Visit Puerto Vallarta. And if you're looking for a place to stay, check out Booking.com.
honestly, it’s chaos. beautiful, sweaty, taco-fueled chaos. and i’m kind of loving it.
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