Oakland's Concrete Jungles and My Skateboard's Bad Day

i woke up later than usual which is like forever ago now and immediately regretted it because skates don’t care about sleep. can’t even tell if my board’s wheels are still good or if it’s just me being clumsy. whatever. 20 degrees out right now which is fine i guess. not hot enough to warp my soul but not cold enough to make me want to bolt to a frozen lake. hope you like that kind of thing.

so i was out skating like usual which is basically my default setting these days and somehow ended up at this weird old alley called "the vortex" that no one mentions unless you’re lost. it had graffiti that looked like it was made by a drunk math teacher and a few skate spots that were either really steep or totally invisible. i nearly faceplanted into a dumpster but luckily my friendConfig (which is a bowl of expired protein powder i found at a gas station) saved me. or maybe it was gravity. hard to say.

if you get bored, sacramento is just a short drive away but honestly i’d rather eat a sandwich wrapped in a newspaper than ride that commute. some people told me the east bay has better waves but i don’t trust anyone who’s ever owned a surfboard. i heard that the local skate shop here, quixotic parts, has a secret underground spot that’s only open during thunderstorms. i tried asking but the guy just looked at me like i was proposing a coup. classic.

i just checked the weather again and it’s holding steady. no sudden drops or crazy wind gusts which is good because my board’s already acting like it has a personality disorder. the pressure is 1021 which i assume means it’s not gonna rain but then again who knows. humidity is 32 which is fine. not sticky enough to ruin my hair or dry enough to make my knuckles cracked.

overheard some dude shouting at a pigeon about "skate park loyalty" and another person ranting about how the city needs more skate-friendly businesses. i didn’t know pigeons had politics but here we are. someone also told me that the hill near the old train tracks is a ghost spot. like literal ghosts. i’m not buying it but i’m not skating there either. there’s a bunch of rumors about abandoned buildings and stuff but i’m more worried about traffic. if you’re itching for more, sacramento is just a short drive away but honestly i’d rather eat a sandwich wrapped in a newspaper.

i saw this photo someone posted online that looked like it was taken with a fisheye lens in a place called "the lido" near lake merritt. it’s probably fake but whatever. i’ll take the chance. also someone mentioned that the local yoga studio has a secret surfing lesson but i’m not risking my knees for that. unless there’s free coffee. there’s always coffee. the coffee snobs here are like a cult. one guy told me the best way to hipster out is to drink black coffee in a plastic cup while yelling about "quantum espresso." i didn’t do that but i did drink coffee. a lot.

i passed this old mural of a skateboarder mid-air that looked like it was painted by someone who’d never actually skated. colors were weird and the perspective was off. i thought about asking the artist but then remembered i’m bad at directions. maybe next time. there’s also this graffiti tag that says "no refunds" which is either profound or a scam. hard to tell.

i’m low on snacks and the nearest vending machine only had protein bars shaped like tacos. weird. i ate one and it tasted like regret. the neighbors are mostly people in vans or buses or just people sliding on concrete. nothing too exciting. if you ask them for directions they’ll probably just point at a tree and laugh. classic.

i skipped the café du hazards tonight because the reviews said the barista yelled at a customer about their milk choice. i heard that on a podcast which was just a guy talking about his existential dread while making espresso. not sure if it’s true but it stuck with me. someone else told me that the local library has a hidden skate room but i’m not sure if that’s a myth or if it’s just a room with a lot of books about skate history.

anyway i’m back now. my board’s fine? maybe. i don’t know. i went to quixotic parts and bought a new set of wheels because the old ones were 90% rust. the guy there said they’re "limited edition" but they look like they’re from 2003. classic Oakland. i’ll post a photo of the shop later but i don’t have wifi in my head right now.

here’s a map of where i ended up if you’re curious. i swear this alley isn’t on google maps.

i took these photos during my skate adventure. hope you like the chaos.

i might go skating again tomorrow. or i might just sleep. probably sleep. but if you see me, don’t bring up the vortex. i still have nightmares about that dumpster.

p.s. if you’re a coffee snob leave a review on yelp. i haven’t been back to that place in months and i’m sure the barista still hates life.

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