medellin messed with my nomad grind

so let me start by saying this place is a chaos buffet. i landed here with nothing but a backpack and a headlamp thinking 'nice and quiet for my code sprints'. turns out medellin’s ‘chill vibe’ is just another way of saying ‘you’ll be chased by monkeys and hailstorms’. i just checked and it’s raining cats and dogs here, you know that thick cloud stuff, hope you like soup weather. my laptop screen kept reflecting puddles like some surreal lcd menu.

now before you scroll past the map below, let me drop a bone. the weather here? 16.13 degrees, but feel like 16.23 because the humidity’s clinging to your soul like a bad life decision. i walked past a street artist who was mid-spraycan monologue about ‘capitalist pigs’ and some grumpy old man shooting pidgeons. the neighbor? a guy in a baseball cap grilling chorizo on a balcony, yelling at his cat to ‘stop stealing my fries’. if you get bored, bogotá is just a sketch away on a bus schedule that changes like a mood app.

[map below]

now to the good stuff. i tried to find a co-working space and ended up in a abandoned tire factory. the owner, a woman who talks to her plants in spanish, charged me $3/day. included a communal bean pot for tea breaks. it smelled like old rubber and ambition. i spilled coffee on a laptop once, and the tech support guy fixed it by yelling at a parrot. nature’s protesters, honestly.

check out these shots from unsplash if you wanna visualize the madness:

here’s the thing about reviews: someone told me that the best tapas in town is run by a guy who swears by lavender oil. others say he’s a time-traveling chef from 1920. i ordered the lavender mango tart and it tasted like... regret. i heard that reference again at a dive bar where the bartender was doing a monologue about how ‘history repeats but with better wine’.

i met a guy here who’s a bathroom stall collector. serious. he’s got a library of them. i asked why and he just said ‘they’re all haunted but i don’t care’. the humidity here? it’s like someone left a wet towel in a sauna and left it on repeat. my hair looks like a raccoon’s cry for help.

need gear? check out /r/medellin on reddit for gear swaps. yelp has the definitive guide to the taco spot that doubles as a clairvoyant’s café. tripadvisor? that’s where i found the hostel that’s actually in a church. yes, a functioning church turned hostel with stained glass and a priest joke community.

if you’re into vlogs, i posted a 3-minute misadventure here: [link to youtube via tripadvisor]. it’s less ’i’m in a city’ and more ’i’m in a existential crisis with a latte.’

pro-tip: avoid the beach at sunset. it’s not a beach, it’s a tumbleweed farm. and the neighbors? they’re all either selling avocados or concocting extortion schemes. one lady wanted $20 to let me take her photo in front of her ‘vintage’ food truck. vintage meant it had a handle on the gas canister.

wander. break. crash. repeat. medellin’s weather is a character. maybe a villain. maybe a misunderstood drama queen. but hey, at least the coffee’s good. or is it? i heard that local warned me about it. something a local warned me about.

anyway, i’m off to find a place that doesn’t have ‘it’s 16 degrees but feel like 16.23’ on the thermostat. homeland calling.

You might also be interested in:

• https://votoris.com/post/lisbons-a-blur-pastel-de-natas-and-perpetual-rain
• https://votoris.com/post/marrakesh-dust-mint-tea-and-a-seriously-weird-pigeon-situation
• https://votoris.com/post/afterschool-chaos-and-youth-sports-in-culiacn-a-drummers-take
• https://votoris.com/post/buraydah-diaries-when-the-humidity-hits-100-and-youre-still-laughing
• https://votoris.com/post/tacloban-philippines-humidity-halohalo-and-a-whole-lotta-vibes