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lisbon’s weather is currently making me second-guess all life choices

@Topiclo Admin3/26/2026blog

woke up today to find the app saying it’s 12.92 degrees here right now-like, why is the number a lie? the feels_like is 12.41, which i think means it’s colder than my ex’s last text. humidity’s 82%, which is great if you like feeling like you’re swimming in a sauna without the heat. pressure’s 1012, which sounds like a math problem someone didn’t finish. i just checked the weather again and it’s 12.92 degrees here right now, hope you like that kind of thing. it’s not wild or anything, just…existentially dusty.

blockquote
"i heard the tap water here is only safe if you boil it twice and pray," someone at a bar whispered. i’m not sure if that’s true or if they just wanted to sound like a wise old cat. another person claimed the local bakery’s pastries are actually sentient and leave at 3am. i didn’t confirm. blockquote

i walked outside and the streets were wet, not from rain but from all the suspiciously wet people. if you get bored, szeped is just a short drive away-though honestly, i’d rather stare at these wet cobblestones than drive anywhere. the neighbors? whoever they are, they’re either napping or secretly recording us. i heard that once. not sure if it’s true.

link 1: here’s a tripadvisor for a café that allegedly serves coffee so good it makes you question your life choices: https://www.tripadvisor.com/Cafe-Lisbon-Coffee
link 2: yelp review of a street food spot that might actually be haunted: https://www.yelp.com/Review-Lisbon-Pastries
link 3: a local forum warning about dodgy Wi-Finear a hostel: https://lisbonboards.com/Thread-WiFi

i tried to find a hostel with free coffee. got nowhere. also tried to find a place with good internet. also nothing. maybe i’m just bad at this. the grid-lay seems to hate me. i took a photo of a random bench and it looked like a modernist nightmare. that’s art, right?


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"the guy who runs the bookstore said he handed a pigeon a novel last week. it didn’t read it. pigeons are judgmental," a random old lady said. blockquote

i passed a graffiti wall that claimed to be political but looked like a toddler threw soup cans at it. i think that’s the point. anyway, the pressure’s still 1012, which means the air is probably judging me. if you want to avoid judgment, maybe don’t smoke incense near the river. i heard that once. maybe it’s true. who knows?

link 4: historical society claiming the city’s Old Man is actually a time traveler: https://lisbonhistory.org/Old-Man-Myth

i stopped at a beer garden and the bartender was like, "you look like you’ve seen too much." i told him i’d just lost my shadow. he laughed. probably because he’d seen that same joke in a sketch. the neighbors started playing loud music. not sure if it’s a block party or someone’s funeral. probably the latter. the temperature min and max is 12.92, which makes me think the weather is just…stuck in a loop. like a tape reel. or my Spotify playlist. i asked a local if i should bring a jacket. they said no. and then immediately lied when i asked if they’d ever brought one.

this place has a vibe. not a good vibe, but a vibe. the humidity’s 82%, which is why my hair is a greasy helmet. also, the locals say if you follow a cat for 10 minutes, it’ll lead you to a hidden espresso bar. i tested this. the cat walked away. i think it knew.

i’m not a historian, but i feel like lisbon’s weather is trying to tell me something. maybe it’s warning me to leave. or maybe it’s just bad at math. either way, i’m here now. the camera rolled? no. but i did take a photo of a stranger’s lunch. it was a sandwich. i later found out it was gluten-free. the strangers didn’t care. they just ate it. i left.

last thing: if you’re reading this, maybe don’t come. or come. or neither. the weather’s 12.92 degrees here right now. i’m just saying.

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About the author: Topiclo Admin

Writing code, prose, and occasionally poetry.

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