huelva’s sticky sidewalk secrets and why i still can’t find a decent coffee

i woke up this morning to a noise that sounded like a squirrel arguing with a washing machine. it turned out to be my neighbor’s dog, who seems to think the 24.28°C weather is a personal challenge. i just checked and it’s…that clingy heat that makes you sweat through your bank receipts. hope you’re into that kind of thing.

staying in this guesthouse near the plaintiff’s plaza has been a gamble. the owner swears it’s the best place to people-watch but i’ve only seen him watering his potted cactus with questionable liquid. if you get bored, the ancient olive groves are just a short drive away-though i heard someone told me that the meatballs in the countryside are haunted. don’t ask how i know that.

let’s talk about the weather. 1010 pressure, 89% humidity-it’s like walking into a sauna that forgot to turn off. you learn to layer under your clothes and convince yourself that sweaty tank tops are a fashion statement. i saw a tourist yesterday wearing a coat inside a cobblestone shop and literally no one cared. maybe they were judging me too?

the neighbors are…a vibe. my room is right next to a guy who plays flamenco music at 3 a.m. on a kazoo. it’s either art or a cry for help. i overheard him telling another tourist that the tap water here tastes like someone boiled wet socks. i’m 60% sure he’s lying, but i’ll believe him because he’s got a playlist called ‘ los locos’ on his phone.

here’s where the reviews get weird. someone told me that the beach here is actually a giant seafood market by day. another person insisted that the city’s indigenous history is erased by a giant ‘before/after’ sports store. i’m not even sure if that’s true, but i found a Yelp review from 2012 that claims the same thing. i half believe it, half don’t. it’s probably a drunk guy’s hallucination.

i tried to find a good breakfast spot using a TripAdvisor link but ended up on a page for a horse stable. classic. then i stumbled on a Yelp for a place called ‘ el dragging cafe’ which supposedly serves coffee so good it’ll make you question your life choices. i haven’t tried it yet. maybe tomorrow. maybe never.

visuals couldn’t do it justice. the first image is a market where people sell figs like they’re trading stocks. the second shows a guy painting a bus with neon pink graffiti-i hope he doesn’t get arrested. the third is me trying (and failing) to ride a scooter down a hill. i looked like a seal with a broken flipper.

if you’re into chaos, huelva’s your spot. the reddit board here is just a bunch of people arguing about whether the local goats are mandatory in every meal. i’ll let you in on a secret: the co2 levels are so high that your breath might form a fog machine. also, i saw a screenwriter filming something called ‘the ghost of the plumbing department’-don’t worry, i didn’t film with them. i just thought it was cool.

links that might help: check out the historia de huelva board on Reddit for hidden spots. go to the city’s official site for the tower that’s 987 meters tall (wait, is that even possible?). and if you’re desperate for coffee, search ‘coffee snobs of huelva’ on Unsplash-it’s a thing.

p.s. i took 37 photos of a duck this morning. it stared at me. i think it knew something.

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