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coffee snob in rio de janeiro: sticky’s, bad decisions, and a fridge full of regret

@Oscar Finch3/6/2026blog

woke up to the smell of strong coffee and regret. not the good kind of regret, the kind that makes you wonder why you bought a fridge in a 90-degree apartment. i just checked and it’s 25.51, so sticky and loud, like the city itself is trying to force you to sweat through your setup. humidity at 82%? that’s not weather, that’s a personal attack.

hello, neighbors. yeah, those people across the street who either play samba on loop or argue in spanish. i heard that if you get bored, something like ‘something-2-hours-away’ is just a short drive. not sure if that’s a recommendation or a threat. someone told me that the local cofe doesn’t close, just leaves for a nap. i tried asking and they just handed me a cup of lukewarm garbage. maybe they’re right. maybe i’m wrong. who knows.

i went to this place called ‘the grumpy bean’ because the name felt right. it’s on a street that smells like diesel and forgotten dreams. their espresso is 12 reais, which is like a nice lunch in some countries. i ordered it and immediately regretted it. the barista told me, ‘you don’t need milk with that,’ and i said, ‘i’m a snob, not a hipster,’ and he responded, ‘ok, then why are you here?’ it’s a fair question.

someone told me that the street food here is hit or miss. i heard that the empanadas are actually good, but the guy selling them keeps adding extra beef. not sure if that’s a tradition or a cry for help. i tried one and it was like eating a beachball filled with regret. i also saw a guy selling expired pastries under a Porta and whispered to him, ‘are these safe?’ he looked at me like i was asking if the air was safe. we both knew the answer.

i brought a friend, but they fled after ten minutes. said the wifi is slower than my ex’s texts. i don’t know if that’s true, but i also don’t trust them. maybe the city is trying to teach me something. maybe i should stop overthinking and just drink more coffee. or worse, start writing blog posts about it.

weirdly, the weather here is both a blessing and a curse. i just checked and it’s...there right now, hope you like that kind of thing. it’s the kind of heat that makes you question life choices. also, the pressure is 1011, which sounds like a number someone picked to make it look scientific. maybe they did. maybe they’re a spy. who knows.

if you’re here, do this: ask a local about the ‘barra de farfila’ at sunset. i heard that’s where the real life happens. don’t believe everything you hear, though. i heard that the beach is closed at 5pm because of a fire. turns out it was a misunderstanding. the beach is fine. just don’t ask.

here’s a map. i didn’t plan this, but the coordinates are -19.8758,-44.9839. that’s somewhere near copacabana, i think. or maybe not. the city is a maze.

!coffee cup in rio width="100%" alt="coffee in rio"
!street vibe width="100%" alt="street in rio"
!coffeeshop scene width="100%" alt="coffee shop"

i left a review on yelp that says ‘great coffee, terrible soul.’ it’s true. the coffee is great. the soul is… complicated.

links: tripadvisor for reviews, yelp for more confusion, local blog if you believe in magic.

i’m probably leaving soon. the fridge is still judging me. the coffee is still lukewarm. but i’ll probably come back. because that’s how this works, right?

p.s. if you see a guy in a vintage hoodie yelling about espresso ratios, tell him i said hi.

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About the author: Oscar Finch

Optimist by choice, realist by necessity.

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